Rejection, denial- a sword and a shield.

It’s self-preservation if you never know how I feel.

Hope is painful, and ‘real love’ isn’t always real.

Isolation is protection, but it doesn’t let you heal.

I’ve been bitter.

I’ve been alone.

I’ve found myself wishing that my heart would turn to stone.

I ignore what it says- I tell myself to think with my head.
I’m better off alone, but I still find myself wishing that I were with you instead.

I feel everything after such a long time of being dead.

There’s excitement, joy, and a surprising lack of dread.

I don’t trust it at all; the way you’re always in my head.

Your name fills my journal; conversations and things I wish we’d both said.

I talk too much, I feel too much– there’s only one way this ends.

It feels so right, but I refuse to risk it- to risk you, my friend.

Isolation, rejection, denial- a girl's best friend.

I knew the second I started falling for you that my world would probably end.

You’ll never know, I’ll never try.

If I never open the door, I never have to say goodbye.

Rejection, denial- a sword and a shield.

Is it really self-preservation- not letting myself feel?