A conversation is like a waltz,

Glorious back and forth, 

in sync, in rhythm, in tone 

with the music connecting two souls as one 

A conversation is a waltz,

And I can dance. 

Just not well enough. 

I’m good conversation, until better walks by.

I’m interesting, until I’m not.

Because I’m the backup.

Like the moon; I shine only from reflection.

And what is a burning inner light

If there is no one to see it?

Because I’m the backup. 

You lift me, illuminating,

like the sun shining a light on the moon

But eventually, the sun always sets.

I’m never good enough,

And the resentment bubbles up

Maybe you can tell,

And that’s why it isn’t enough? 

I need people, 

like a man in a desert needs water.

My skin burns without touch, 

my chest feels empty. 

A friendly smile is a cooling breeze, 

A few words, a saving gulp of water.

A dismissive look, a false laugh

Plunge me into a chasm of doubt,

A sinking pit in my stomach dragging me in,

My fingers bloody claws of desperation.

There are tiers of friendship

And you make it clear where I sit.

You’re always too tired to talk

(but only when I’m the only option.) 

You need to focus on your work

(Is the other person at the table your work?) 

You’ll answer texts 

(eventually)

But only if I text first.

How can I dance 

When you keep switching partners

And I can feel the stares

burning holes into my back?

You can’t be everyone’s best friend. 

I know that’s true.

But the truth doesn’t sting any less,

And the sun always sets

Because I’m the backup.