You say that I’m too smart to get the grades I do. 

Am I though?

Do you really think that?

Every time we talk about school you say that I’m smart. 

If you really think I'm so smart, then why try to fool me into believing that you aren’t intoxicated. 

I see all the signs that tell me you are not okay. 

You leave, to have a few hours so you can loosen up. 

So you don’t have to struggle with the problems of the world.

I know you don’t have it easy. 

Although why do you leave me? 

Am I a problem, too?

I tell you that I have a school choir concert coming up, you say you’ll be there.

At the last moment when you drop me off, I think that you’re finally going to stay. 

“Something came up,” you say.  

I have it rehearsed in my mind. 

I should have known by now. 

All those times you said you would go.

“You can’t spare an hour or so?”

That's what I wish I could tell you before you go off. 

“Let me know when it’s over, I’ll pick you up.” 

I stare at the remaining empty seats before taking a deep breath to perform. 

One of them could’ve been filled with you.

As the night comes to an end and I get into the car, the smell reaches my nose. 

The smell of the thing that takes control of you. 

I almost don’t get in the car but you’re the only way I have home. 

I pretend that everything is fine because there is no point in telling you that I know. 

I know what you were doing instead of being there for me. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, I’m fine, I don’t do that anymore.” 

You’ll deny it because you don’t want to feel guilty for not choosing me. 

You’d rather believe that I don’t know anything, you think that you are fooling me.

Tears roll down my face as I get ready for bed.

All those tears could fill up the bottles that you drink from, to feel better.

You truly don’t think I am smart enough.

You made me believe that I am not. 

I know I am smart enough. 

I can see past all your lies. 

I am smart enough to know that I don’t want to be like you. 

I’ll get my life together but not for you, for myself.