I'm not smart
I'm a fake.
I pretend
I use silence and fake focus.
Sure I pretend to understand, but I don’t
I over think I underthink
Nothing works
Stress is the only word I understand.

“You're so smart”

I am not
I'm just silent and compliant
No argument here
not that I was good with comebacks or arguments either.

I ignore others because
I'm scared of yelling and fights
So I work hard until they believe I can do no wrong
And they believe it.

They all fall under the illusion of my intelligence
They think I'm smart because of A’s and B’s
But not really. I merely do what told and throw it up on my paper
I'm confused and lost.

But I dare not ask for help for fear the illusion goes away.

I'm a lazy bum
a faker
a deceiver

I don’t deserve praise

I like writing
I like drawing

I like many things

That doesn’t mean I'm good at them

I just have a big heart bigger than my head

And an active imagination

I wish I was smart
I wish I was not fake
Instead, I pity myself
I stress over this illusion of intelligence this hard shell

One that is hard to take off once it's on

It’s suffocating me

“Thanks”