I thought I knew what love was. Now I know that wasn’t love. That was neglect and abuse. 

I thought I knew what parenting was. Now I know that wasn’t what it was. That wasn’t him parenting that was him drunk. He made me feel useless and worthless. Told me i wasn’t good enough. That wasn’t him talking though. That was beer, pot, and trauma all talking. He says he’s sorry but that's not enough. He says it will ever happen again but he doesn’t even remember what he did let alone how it affected me. How can you say something won’t happen again if you don’t know what you did? I try and believe but there is always a thought in the back of my mind telling me to put a guard up. Keep your heart safe my mind says. I know it's right but what if hes changed what if he really is sorry? What if he is starting to remember. He’s had so many chances already. Do I give him more? I don’t think I can do this anymore. I’m sorry, Dad.