I always wanted heat in my life,

But now I’m trapped by the flames,

When I walk I feel them rage,

Like gasoline was dumped on my feet,

Fueling the ever-burning fire.

I try to let them burn, I can’t stand it,

I bring in buckets, they don’t help the growing heat,

So I use hoses, chase it away.

Am I myself without fire?

Does it prove my authenticity now that I’ve chosen it?

Have I washed myself away,

Left a mind and body that are not my own?

Am I even still me in this flameless state?

In my memories, I see a child,

She smiles as the water crawls around her,

Submerges her,

Soaks her,

Nearly chokes her.

She lives,

Because she prospers in the water,

She has no flames. 

Am I what this child became?

Trapped by the things inside of myself. 

Did I mess up, warp her into me?

Take her future to fit my dreams?

Not what I wanted but what I thought I did.

A world not cold and numb like the water, 

But scorching like fire,

My skin boils. 

I took away her water to bring fire,

Just to want it back when flames become too much.

Waves out of reach,

And once I have them back, choke.

The flames too are pushing me away,

And I’m forced to burn and drown simultaneously.

Was I the reason,

Or was it the world that gave me this brutal fate, 

Because once I climb out of the ashes,

I find myself gasping for air.