You take a breath,

As you step into the arena.

Surrounded by strangers,

You hope for the best.

For friendships, and camaraderie.

You feel eyes scorching into the back of your head 

You ignore them

After all, it’s just your imagination

You settle into the space.

You start the repetition

The instructor calls you over,

You stop what you're doing

It feels like a tape folded over

Creasing as you conform yourself 

to their rules, to their pattern, to their routine.

You feel a sliver of stress

A snowflake falling to the surface

Be calm

You once again settle

The instructor critiques;

Your stance, your technique

They give you suggestions

Understanding does not bloom in your mind

You try your way of questioning them,

But they do not explain

The stress returns, this time larger

Now a snowbank

Confusion and frustration burst from you

Calm down

You go back to the activity

Thoughts swirling in your head

You think of what you did wrong, 

All the ways you were inadequate

The snow collapses onto itself.

Gaining speed and momentum.

The snowflake has become an avalanche

Calm down!

You feel your composure slipping

As you are engulfed by your emotions. 

You realize that you are out of your depth.

You open your mouth, try to speak, ask for help

But it’s as if a wall has formed in your throat.

Blocking all communication. 

CALM DOWN

…

You panic

You feel tears slipping down your face.

Take shuddering breaths

More emotions pile on 

Shame, embarrassment, frustration, rage.

You have to get out. 

Finally, you can compose yourself.

Alone, you can reflect,

Look at the aftermath.

The snow is peaceful once again.

Taller and more fragile than the start

You take a deep breath 

You are calm.