I don't know where to go from here

I know where I want to go 

But I don't know where I can go

I want to focus and put my all into her but if she isn't ready for that then I need to back off

But it’s hard to back off and be content with how things are when I feel like she's losing interest or i'm doing something wrong every second

Because no matter what I do it's just who I am

And in order to find peace with myself and I need to focus on myself and not anybody else but I don't know how to do that or what that means

It sounds like just an empty suggestment from my friends that they don't mean

I can't really talk to anyone because everything that's wrong with me is nobody's fault except my own 

I wish I could care about her less but I don't know how and it's the worst feeling in the world when the return im getting from her is lightyears away from what i'm giving

I have to be okay with what she wants from this

But when she acts like I don’t exist

It makes me realize that this will never end well for me

I cant keep waiting on her and putting effort into this when I get nothing except a turned back

The way it is

More stressful than happy

Is this how it always is?