riding the bus alone

by Beth Huggins

As a 15 year old girl, riding the bus alone, 

I feel scared.

I leave the house, walk to the bus stop, and pull on my hoodie.

I ride the bus alone, clutching the pepper spray inside my bag,

I feel scared.

I feel scared 

Of the large, beefy men who sit across from me, eyes raking my body as they lick their hungry lips.

 “hey beautiful”

 “how's your day going”

 “where you headed all alone”

I feel scared

To ignore them for fear they will get mad.

I feel scared

To interact for fear I will lead them on.

As a 15 year old girl, going out with my friends,

I feel ashamed.

I braid my hair, pick out a top, and coat my lashes in mascara.

I get a text from my mom and my stomach sinks,

I feel ashamed.

I feel ashamed

Of the fact that I wore this top out, braided my hair, and coated my lashes with mascara. 

“I'm not mad, Im worried”

“There's a lot of creeps out there”

“I don't want anything to happen to you”

I feel ashamed

That I feel the need to reveal my body.

I feel ashamed

Of what people must think about me.

I am surrounded by the eyes of those who prey, those who judge, and those who worry.

I don't want to hear how many “creeps are out there”.

I don't want to worry whether I will be assaulted due to the size of my top.

I don't want to fear for my safety in my own school. 

I don't want to wonder which one of my friends would take advantage of me if they had the chance.

I want to ride the bus alone and feel safe.