I’m a mess my heart is shaking

I’m fighting but I can’t make it

I’m fighting a sword fight with a cotton blade

I’m in a card game without my spades

I’m in a race with Oreo's as tires

I'm using gasoline to put out a fire

I’m playing the guitar with no strings

I’m married to death with no ring

I’m attracted to death I find comfort in its promise

You won’t feel, the pain is gone

Like a comet flying in the air Freedom to crash into whatever it dares

A promise. A way to end the suffering

Iv found a way to need to pause it

Wipe the vomit off your sleeve

Hand Pinocchio your shaking knees

You said you wanted to be real?

I guess now someone will know how it feels

So come with me to the grave

I hear the tomb shouting out your name

I hear the peace as the shovels dig

The hole is dug the casket is loaded

All I need is to step inside and wave goodbye to this I life I thought I owned

The moon comes up but the sky’s not home

Please let my soul go

It hurts to live, I feel it in my chest

My heartbeat slows with every regret

Every minute is pain

Every hour too long

The melody of life songs drives daggers into my mind

Caves in my eyes 

To the back of my head

Looking back not ahead

Stuck in the past

Is where my present lies

Iv learned to love the devils lies

His company

Hes always here when Gods left me

He offered me a home further then heavens reach

But then dragged me down in the sea

I thought it was a mistake

He burnt his promise at the stake

And cooked my heart

and ate it too

Down his chin runs the remains of my souls last wish

My legs feel heavy

My chest feels weighted

My mind cluttered with self hatred

I feel like I’m driving off the road

Every time I think of death I think it grants me a home

I can’t pay off my loan to this bullsh*t life

The stars don’t pay the sky to live in its sea

The grass never needs to pay the soil for its roots

And gravity doesn’t pay mortgage to the atmosphere

So why do humans have to pay for every pain down here?

Maybe dying will just decay my body to soil

And then I’ll make the grass pay for every root it spoils!

But I have this feeling life has more to offer

But it’s hard to see past these darkens times

It’s hard to hear heavens chimes

A noise still makes sound even if nobody hears it

But how can you trust when you can’t even feel it?

Fly away soul and never come back

Flap your wings leave no track

And fly away with my dreams 

Goodbye. Please just let me be

This earth screams pain in every grain of sand

Flower petal

In every fiber

in every metal

In every atom

and every ray

The sunlight is just a bursting ball of pain

Damn does it rain

But mamma told me Find comfort in the promise of pain.

Because without pain what would be freedom.

Rip off the band-aid

Don't hide the scar under your sleeve

be proud of the pain that made you free

Your are stronger than those who have none

Your are stronger then those who hide them