It was at the age of ten

That I lost all hope

Everything was taken

And I was left broke

His sadness turned to anger

And his anger turned to me

They didn’t see the pain in my eyes

Or the screams in my dreams

Fists were never thrown

But words were sent launching

Cast by a father

They almost put me in my coffin

The second she died

I was there all alone

Left in my house

A house that wasn’t my home

I learned a few tricks

Like how to silently cry

Again and again

Mostly at night

The darkness grew

Like a mass in my soul

The loneliness was empty

Empty and cold

I heard his bitter words

And took them to heart

I blamed myself for everything

And it got really dark

I’m not hungry I would say

I was getting good at the lies

But they couldn’t see that

The darkness inside

His dagger-sharp words

Silenced my screams

Until I stopped calling

And never let it be seen

I got used to the emptiness

The aching within

A few times you’re not hungry

And that’s where it begins

It takes you by surprise

The longing to be less

Until your hands start to shake

And you’ve made a complete mess

Now everyone will know

That the smile wasn’t born

It was written and sculpted

Like the words on my door

I’m not hungry I would say

And I believed it was true

Until I realized

The thoughts were put there by you

I shut off my brain

To our endless brawls

That bite’s too big

That bite’s too small

But I took a stand

It was my turn to speak

I won’t let you silence me

You will not make me weak

My hands shake endlessly

But I hold my head high

My blood sugar's low

I wonder why.