Ever since you died, everything got a lot harder

                                          I got lost in all and everything. I changed. 

                       When you left I was 7 and now I’m 13 ma. My favorite color is no longer pink                                                                      but blue, 

                            Why?, You might ask because it reminds me of the sky, of you Mami. 

                          I miss my grandma, My best friend. The same person who stood by me

                             When nobody else did. I no longer smile or laugh but instead, I cry.

                                     Are you proud of me?  Or am I a disappointment?      

                                   I don’t communicate, instead, I nod and stay quiet.   

                  I no longer speak Spanish fluently instead I speak more English than my native                                                                  language.

                 I made it Mami, I’m in New York we’re no longer struggling as much.

                                                      But We’re still struggling.

                                                    I made it but without you

                                            , which kills me to think about every time. 

             Mami and Papi are no longer together, and that’s fine because they don’t drain my                                                          siblings and me as much. 

                                                   I changed how I do my hair

                                                             How I smile   

                                                           Even how I act. 

                              I feel drained, half the time. I feel as if I  could give up in a matter of                                                                              minutes 

                                                                 Even in seconds.

                                 You use to call me beautiful, but god knows how wrong you were. I                                                             don't apply to beauty standards

                                                         I Don’t have straight teeth.

                                                           I don’t have clear skin.

                                                          I don’t have confidence. 

                                                            I’m nothing like you. 

                                                    I don’t value life, I’m not happy. 

                                                 But one thing for sure is, I  will live

                                                              I won’t give up.

                                                   I won’t drain myself any longer.        

                                                           I will live for you. 

                                                   I will live for those around me.

                                                      I will live for my beliefs.

                                                I will live for my dreams and future. 

                             I won’t leave this earth until I make myself and those whom I love                                                                                  proud. 

                                  I’ll keep changing but I won’t ever accept disappointment.