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What Happened
What happened?
To my little girl,
Smiling, laughing, goofy,
My little girl.
What happened?
To the girl who woke up,
Woke with a smile on her face,
Would say “I love you” as you saw my face.
What happened?
To the girl who loved the color purple,
Who loved snow leopards,
Who was confident.
What happened?
To the girl who would dance,
Sing whenever she was happy,
Would hum the songs we listen to.
What happened?
To the little girl who was happy to go to gym,
Who wanted to do college gymnastics,
Who would talk to her friends everyday.
What happened?
To the girl who had many friends,
Who would open up to those around her.
Who would be crazy,
Who would do anything to make someone smile.
What happened?
What happened?
What happened?
What happened?
What did I do?
Where did you go?
Come back.
Please.
Just come back.
I’m sorry.
She is gone,
The girl you knew is gone.
Swallowed by what they did to her.
I’m sorry.
They destroyed her,
Buried under the weight of the world,
Wanted more than anything to be more.
I’m sorry.
I love the colors gray and black now,
I don’t have a favorite animal,
I only see shadows.
I’m sorry.
They destroyed her.
Creating the monster you see now.
They created who I am
I’m sorry.
Under their words I drowned,
Under their hands I bruised,
Under his grip I lost myself.
I’m sorry.
They changed that girl,
They broke her till she was only pieces,
Unable to look at herself in the mirror,
Unable to eat what was needed,
Unable to tell you.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry.
I can’t tell you.
I don’t want you to see me broken.
I don’t want you to know how bad it was.
I want you to see me happy,
I want you to see me,
But if I reveal her,
She might finally shatter for good.
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I have been a competitive gymnast for about 16 years now and this is about how it has impacted my life. I was at an abusive gym for many years and it has greatly impacted how I go about my daily life. When I finally moved to a healthier environment, the damage from pasts gyms was already done. I wanted to show how these different places has made me the person I am today, even if I wish it didn't.
My family doesn't know the true extent of what really happened at my previous gyms and I have fought to keep it that way. I let one of the occurrences slip one day and my mom called me a liar, that she would of known if that was happening. This resulted in her asking what happened to the little girl she used to know. I wrote this poem in response.