when I was 3 and three quarters which I told everyone because I wanted that extra 75 cents of maturity my parents moved for the first time since I was born

My brothers were 6 and 8 and still torturing me

And when my mom died I had to suffice with having myself as my only friend

I learned quickly how to be content with being alone

The summer my stepmom sent in an offer on the new widowed Father now on the market

Was when I met the first

I wish I knew the first wasn’t going to be the last

when I was 6 my new blended family was now just a family

all of us puzzle pieces hoping to fit perfectly together and create a beautiful picture

This meant starting over far away from the first

I was relieved I had found my way out

Moving the file labeled “firefly boy” to the little trash icon in my memories

Now a fresh start

But sometimes when I was completely alone and there was no one around to hear me scream, memories of “playing doctor” flashed across my brain and just when I had reached the climax of the movie a basketball flew my way imprinted with sticky hands and I was brought back to reality

The jelly fingers belonged to My first and sadly my last best best friend she kept my mind busy and I was okay with that

However I was starting to see a reaccurring theme with my parents

And when I was 10 we moved again

Silly me I thought this was gonna be the last move

now I think we should’ve left soon

And then came the second

An eight grader 6 feet tall coming in at a whopping 200 pounds

And 12 year old me knew this wasn’t a fight I would win no matter how loose my singlet was

So I put up with the punches which were more like slaps and grabs

And I tried my best to stay as far away as I could from the ring

Yet I kept finding myself trapped in his gaze and only his hands were the key to my cell

Part of me thought this was just apart of life just a side affect that comes with being a girl

I wish I would’ve read the fine print before I signed up for maturity

Fortunately for me middle schoolers and highschoolers had separate schools

So when he leveled up my problem was solved seemed like the only solution was time

Now I was 13 and hit my Avril Lavigne stage

Sharpie was everywhere

bathroom stalls covered in quotes I found on Pinterest

Shoes marked with songs lyrics

And everything under the sun

scribbled on my hands until you couldn’t distinguish pen from skin

This was the most confident I’ve ever been in my body

Which meant skinny jeans crop tops and low cut shirts

And to boys it meant an open invitation to my legs and knees and breasts

And to my dismay my butt

Sometimes I look in my mirror right before I jump in the shower and I swear I can still see handprints on my body like scars that are only visible to me

Thank god they are only visible to me