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She never hated him, not even in the bones he broke
I do not hate you
I do not wish the worst upon you
I do not wish your days are filled with sorrow and nights with grief
I do not wish you have trouble falling asleep at night, your thoughts tormenting you
Chanting the truths of your character in the confessional
I do not wish that your mother finds out, having to throw out family photos in her living room
She will not be able to look at her once sweet baby boy without being reminded of the bruises
I do not wish that your grandmother finds out, I would hate to see her pass at the hands of learning the truth about her “wonderful” grandson
I do not wish that your sister finds out, it would be unfair to trigger memories of her own purple bruises and raised scars by showing her my matching ones
I do not wish your actions haunt your soul or plague your dreams
I do not wish that they follow you around — on the subway, in brutal traffic, in the shower before bed, when your eyes meet the reddened knuckles, staring back at you in the mirror
I do not wish you are as tormented with yourself as I am
— She never hated him, not even in the bones he broke
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It was really difficult for me to write this piece. I found myself struggling to move past the first few lines for a long time. I had so many ideas about this poem and so many things I wanted to say, but I just couldn't find the right words. This poem, upon first read, is about a woman and the abuse she endured from her abuser, the man she loved. But from the author's perspective, I wrote this piece about internal abuse rather than external. I see this poem as a woman retelling her encounters with her abuser and protecting him rather than blaming him. She refuses to tell his family about what he did to her and even goes as far as to wish he not be hurt by this. This woman suffered tremendous mental and emotional abuse by this man, but she chooses to retell her story with physical abuse representing her internal abuse.