You're just like him

That’s what my mother always tell me

She usually says it with disgust to

When she says it though

I can see the disgust in her eyes

I can see the hurt that she has inside when she says it

I can feel the anger radiating off her body when she says it

It hurts when she tells me that

Not because I don't want to be like my father 

But it feels like she hates me for being like him

Like my father I have tan skin

Like my father I love music

Like my father I have a strange sense of humor

Like my father I don't really like to go out

But 

Like my father I stay silent when I’m mad

Like my father I avoid conflict

Like my father I’m not the easiest to be around

Like my father I apparently hate my sister

I think that's what hurts most

I think it hurts that my mother thinks that we both hate my sister

My father acts differently with my sister then he does with me

With my sister he just wants her to be happy so he doesn't have to deal with her

But with me he's different

My mother says I'm his favorite child

Perhaps she's right about that 

But I also think that my sister is her favorite child

My mother and sister are more alike then I am with her

I don’t mind because as I’ve said before

I'm more like my father

But it hurts when she says my sister is just like her

Because when she says it

She says it with so much joy

It hurts

Honestly it really does hurt

It hurts that my mother has so much disgust towards me when she says I'm like my father

It hurts that my mother has so much joy when she says that my sister is like her

I've never told her though

Because if I did she would probably think that I’m just jealous of my sister

Perhaps I am to

But I can’t exactly change that

I spend more time with my mother than I do with my father

So I'm constantly seeing the joy my mother has for my sister

You're just like your mom

You're my minnie me

You're just like me

She says all those things to my sister

And when she says it

She is filled with joy

She says it like its the greatest thing

Yet perhaps I am jealous of my sister

Because I'm always with my mother and sister 

I feel more like an outcast around them because they're so alike

It feels like I'm an intruder around them 

As if I shouldn't be there

Maybe I am intruding on them

Because I certainly don’t feel like I belong

It feels like she hates a part of me for being like my father

I know my mother loves me and she doesn't actually hate me

But it does feel like she hates me sometimes

It feels like I should just live with my father instead

Because the disgust she has in her eyes towards me at times

Hurts

Its as if she can’t stand the sight of me

Yet not only do I act like my father 

But I'm the spitting image of him

I'm my father reincarnated 

You're just like him

You look just like him

That's what people say

Somehow being told that I look like my father feels wrong to

As if it's wrong to look like him

As if it's wrong to be like him

You're just like him

When I hear it 

It never feels like a good thing 

So to my mother

I hope Abby lives up to your expectations

And that she is enough for you

And to my father

I'm just like you