tw: self-harm

five years old

walking home her hand interlocked with her mother’s

she had drawn a picture that day

when they got home her mother hung it on the fridge for everyone to see

the smell of warm cookies in the air

she had drawn a bath with the temperature just right

and when she got out her father would tuck her in for the night

the same sweet lullaby would be sang as she drifted off to sleep

Innocence

ten years old

walking home from school with her only friend

her mother was to busy hiding away in her office with a bottle in her hand

so she didn’t walk with her anymore

she had drawn a picture that day

but when she showed her mom she just pushed it way

never to end up on the fridge

the once sweet smell had turned old

so she stepped into the shower the temperature increasing by the day

and when she got out she slipped into bed

her room had turned cold and sounded out of tune with her father gone

Loss

fifteen years old

walking home from school alone

her mother gone in and out of the home

always running with the wrong crowd

so she didn’t walk with her anymore

she dreaded the smell of the old broken home

the smell of the alcohol that was constantly laying around

the sight of broken glass shards and white substances

she stepped into the shower turning it as hot as it went

“I deserve it” she would repeat and the pain would go away

and when she got out she slipped into bed for the last time

trying to remember those sweet words of the lullaby her father once sang

 she drew a picture that day only using red

but not like the other times with paper and colored pencils

but this time with a knife and her wrists

watching as the blood trickles to the sheets

she can almost smell the warm cookies in the air

and the same sweet lullaby sang by her father could be heard

“I deserve it” she would repeat and the pain would go away

As she drifted off to sleep for the last time

Peace