People often wonder what depression is like.  

People say it's sadness a lot of the time. 

Which to a point it is. 

As I sit alone in my room I start to think. 

Depression is so much more than sadness, its sitting alone in my room wondering who I am anymore, even down to if my smile is even me anymore. 

It's sitting there wondering if one more cut would be it to cut the hold depression has on me 

It's wanting the pain to stop but not wanting to die. 

It's being scared to be alone because i don't know what my mind will tell me to do. 

It's being afraid of my own mind because in the past; it's told me dying is the solution.

It's wanting to move forward but my mind just relieves my worst days, 

the reason I changed as a person, the reason I am so closed off and " nothing bothers me" anymore. 

It's wanting to have fun with others and go hang out but then my depression tells me, they don't really like me, they just tolerate me. 

It's wishing I didn't wake up because every day is the same cycle. 

It's wishing I could talk to someone about what is happening but everyone just sees me as the happy girl with a good sense of humor. 

Well that humor, that humor is just a cover up so I don't get hurt again, so you don't see the pain I'm in. 

Depression is a battle everyday, one wrong word could cause a memory and my mood shifts for the rest of the day. 

Depression is wanting to be free but it is holding me back. 

I could go days perfectly fine but then for weeks on end it gets hard to do simple little things in life 

Things as in taking a shower, brushing my teeth or even taking medication every night. 

They say I should, I need the pills for my health but, when you've tried to overdose with them, they don't seem so friendly and helpful. 

The phrase " I'm tired", seems innocent right? 

Look deeper, am I really just tired or is it mental or emotional exhaustion.

Maybe I'm tired of having to hide who I am. Having to play a certain role everywhere else but when I'm alone. 

But hey, these are just my thoughts as I sit in my room alone and think.