Heavy, viscous hate

Jealousy like syrup pouring from my veins

Like the sluggish, vindictive flow of blistering lava

Leaving destruction in its wake; a wildfire burning blisteringly with envy.

It is so bitter

To want what I cannot have;

To smell, hear, see you so close

And to know you will turn away every time.

Untouchable, unattainable, always a hair’s breadth away.

Bloody hell.

If I leaned over right now, I could touch my hand to your cheek,

Press my lips to the junction of your jaw,

Where your ears dip in,

I could leave a mark; a furious indigo bruise.

But I won’t. I won’t, I won’t. 

I won’t, but god do I want you.

Your smiles, your private glances, your condescension

I crave it; your biting insults, your apologies,

Like ice after a fall. 

Hurt me, heal me,

Break me apart, please, be cruel.

Let your glasses slip just so,

And tell me of my inferiority

So I may bask in your superiority instead.

I could care less if you stay to piece me back together,

Just be there when I’m down.

Look over me, lord over me.

Place the heel of your boot lovingly on my neck

And leave your mark on me.