I wish I was doing a swan dive

off that bridge, the cold water 

touching every inch of my skin.

I wish I was sitting under the stars. 

Looking at them light up the sky.

But instead I'm standing here like a deer 

in the headlights, not knowing what to say.

I feel so alone.

Darkness creeps in, surrounds me 

surrounded by people, but still I feel 

isolated, at a standstill.

No sound, nothing moving. 

Everything in slow motion.

How does an 8 year old say goodbye? 

I took one of the flowers off your casket, 

the flowers that were soaked by the rain,

and lightly touched the glossy casket top.

There's a picture of you in my room,

both of us with big smiles,

so I will never forget the sight of your face.

When I stand in the mirror 

with Taylor Swift singing in the background, 

I see parts of you in me,

my brown eyes that are slowly turning hazel

that I never knew were from you 

until my parents pointed them out.

You had to go 

and I had to let you.

Death wasn't your choice 

and I forgive you.

So after all these years

 This is my way to say goodbye.