Dear ex lover, 

my tear stained face had a light glow from the dim moonlight

i stared out of the window and watched the raindroplets race down the window

silence filled the car, only a little bit of sound filled the air of that car ride, 

and that was me, tryin' not to bust out into full blown tears

we drove on home..

but was it really home?

you were my candle during the times i could not see in the dark

my giimmar of hope when i had nothing but darkness

to sum it up, you were my everything

i loved you with every ounce of my beinging 

but there was one thing that i lacked with my love,

and that was love for myself

i did find love in myself when i was with you 

but that wasn't true self love, 

i loved myself for the fact that someone wanted me and had me

but that was never my self love

but d*mn it was good while it lasted,

just that little bit of false love kept me going 

but it was also your "love" for me 

as so i thought..

but rememeber when we crashed n' fell on that rainy dark night?

yes, i was the one who did the crashing onto you 

but for once, i needed to do something for me,

that would make me happy and learn my true love for me

not that false stuff i felt at "peace" with for so long

you were never my first love

but d*am, you were the one that made me upset the most

yes, i did leave

but i needed to do it for me

and you 

in reality in a way, we both weren't ready for what the future had to come

you had things you needed to solve and figure out, work on yourself

and so did i 

you may've never seen it that way, but it was true

so, while i was doing this for me, i did it just as much for you as well 

'cause i really did and still love you 

all of those memories that i think about at 3AM are mainly of you 

but i need to forgive myself, 

love myself,

and help myself 

i have to find out who i am, which i slowly am

for a year, a year, i lived with myself who would've done anything to make you happy

no matter how it made me feel, which in results left me so unhappy and mad at myself

i was mad that i never stood up for myself, 

upset that i never said how i felt,

the time i did was on the rainy night on our drive back home

i showed how i was, how hurt and lonely i was

i was lonely for the fact i put 80 perfect of myself into you, while you barely put in 40 percent 

10 went towards family, 

6 went to my friends, 

while the last went into myself

i worried about myself last, like always 

i told you everything thing, even down to the smallest detail about every book i read, 

every song i heard, and the things i seen, 

i told you my deepest things,

while what did you do?

barely told me a thing, but a few

you did things that triggered me, and you knew

but did so anyway

but out of it all, i wanted what it was best for you

and i'm sorry for how i was,

i never fully trusted you 

and was always easily jealous

but in the end, i feel bad for when i said the things i shouldn't of 

i would take it back if i could rewind the time

but that is the thing, i cannot

in the end, i did what was best for both you and i 

we needed time to work on ourselves and be free

two months past since that rainy night drive

i've been better then never before, 

i'm slowly finding me

from time to time my mind drifted of to you

did you ever think of me?

maybe not, after a month, maybe evenless you found someone new,

a new crush

i get a call from you and your friends within those two months

you believed when someone said i was trying to hurt you, that it was a desperare attempt to get you back into my life

i hadn't talked to you since i left,

for both of us, i did it for the best

because, i loved you, and i still bloody do

i love you with every ounce of me

why is that i cannot get over you, hm?

yes, i still love you, but i would never hurt you on purpose

but i would never get back with you, no matter how much i or you wanted it

because all of my hard work would fall away into nothingness

when i asked if home was really home, i really wanted, needed to know that answer, 

but i didn't get it until now,

you were my home, but now my home is me

that is because, in the end i will only ever have me

but one day, one day, i will wrap myself into a blanket of love

knowing that i made it to where i am now, i climed and fought hell for myself

i will claim the throne for my own love

and i will be safe and sound in the love that was stripped of me for so long

i will raise my glass and say cheers to another day without you

and every rainy moonlit car ride will leave a everlasting mark on me

with you, even though you won't be there you'd be my witness to my self love

i will be happy, and thank you for those happy memories and sad ones

as for they made me, me

but i pray for you at the end of the night, 

thay you found the peace and love you denied

and pray you're happy whereever you are at

and that you're happy with whoever you are with

                                        with all of the love in my heart

                                                      from 

                                        from your childhood love