dear god,

i was a devout catholic 

i went to church every sunday

i loved you

i trusted you

i heeded your advice

but then he came along

his hands on places no one had touched before

his lips on my resisting ones

the bruises he left

the nightmares he brought

the shame

the guilt

i was ten years old. 

ten.

for six months

every night

i cried to you

i prayed 

i begged

“please, god, make him stop”

“please, god, why does he do this”

“please, god, i thought i was your child”

“please, god, i thought you loved me”

“please, god, why do i feel dirty”

“please, god, why do i want to die”

and you left me

shameful and alone

an atheist