I am from the notes that they wrote
Telling me I wasn’t enough
Pretending not to know who they were from,
I returned to the people who pointed out my flaws

I am from the day I picked up the piece of metal and discovered
A new way
To wash away everything that was haunting me
But I had no idea how much it would destroy my world

I am from the summer that changed me
The day I left, saying goodbye to my friends and returning home
Home, the place that is supposed to be safe
So why don't i feel safe

I am from lessons from mother
Taught that being abused is the only way to accept love
Taught that I will always turn my lovers into abusers
Learning that abuse can be confused with love

I am from the sleepless nights
The day I heard the screaming and ran into her arms
The day I realized I had to be the one to take care of her
The days we spent together, long walks and drawing our names in chalk

I am from parents growing apart
The long nights desperately trying to block out the fights
The bad decisions I made to distance myself from them
Sleepless and drawing in the smoke while I watch the stars,
Wondering how they shine so bright when the world below is so dark

I am from the new streets and shining teeth of the beasts that wanted to devour me
The day he broke in and held my mouth closed and took control of my body
The days I didn't leave the house and sat dissociating
The days the sun shone so bright but the dark cloud above my head made it so hard to breathe

I am from the day we left and began our new chapter
She promised a new start, just us
So we unpacked the boxes and accepted our new life
We cried together and talked about how unfair life has been to us
We held hands and we always held each other when the memories took us by surprise
I held her when she realized the mistake she had made
I reassured her that we were going to be okay, just us

I am from the afternoon in the bathtub
The tears that dripped into the bathtub making holes in the bubbles
The sharp ends
The chemicals burning down my throat

I am from missing my mom
And conflicting emotions,
Not knowing if i should love her for what she is trying to repair
Or hate her for all she has broken.

I am from more new beginnings
And taking it day by day
And not letting the voices or the darkness
Lead the way