Its  starts with the slightest nudge in the back of your mind

Not a worry in the world until you find out that there are worries in the world

That nudge turns into a spreading wildfire that cannot be distinguished

Suddenly start to get tired, you don't understand why you put no effort into getting out of bed in the morning

You don't understand why the once happy place that let you escape from the world just months ago is the thing that keeps dragging your head underwater. 

Your struggling to breath but you can't seem to reach the water's surface

Every part of you body is trying to save your life

Soon your emotions start to fade into nothing, you have given up

There's no help for you anymore

Why try when the only thing you need is sleep

Sleep, it helps you escape from reality, you feel no pain when you're sleeping. You feel nothing

Soon those thoughts you had escaped have started appearing in your dreams.

That escape has become meaningless. 

Nothing can help you now.

The best way not to get hurt is not to feel.

Soon you realize that is the worst mistake you can ever make

You substitute that nothing with your own pain

You see the blood drip onto the bathroom floor. 

You see it as a beautiful red symphony as more and more drops fall upon your feet

Every crimson drop make you sigh with an agonizing relief

You start walking the halls hoping that no one will see the open wounds under your hoodie sleeve

No one will see what you have to do to  come to to feel something, anything

When you shower and you see those cuts you become disgusted with yourself

You try to scrub them clean but the scars remain

The night your mother comes to check on you while you're sleeping is the worst in the world

She sees the healing wound upon your forearm

You awake to her bursting into tears

She questions why she couldn't of been better

You try to explain that it's not her fault

But her cheeks are still wet with the tears

The beautiful baby that she had birthed years ago isn't happy

She can no longer see you as the joyful child that she held in her arms for years

You cover your scars with sleeves upon sleeves hoping that one day shell just forget

She never does she looks at you with sadness in her eyes everyday

Until one day she can't can't take being sad anymore

She substitutes her pain with alcohol, hoping that you would never notice her slurred speech and wobbling steps

You notice more and more clear empty bottles gathering on the floor

You realized the only solution for this is to become happy

To show her that you are still her child

You force feed yourself pills to have a chance of smiling

That fateful day has finally come

The day you have smiled

You still walk the halls doped up

But you can't fight this  on your own

The medicine numbs all your worries

You still stay quiet in your sit trying to think of the good times

Your mother is still recovering from her problems

You are so happy to see her progress as she sees yours

This time you smile and see that is is indeed real

You have suffered for so long 

You have gotten through so much

You stay happy and try to go off of your meds

The cycle continues

The doctors still shove pills down your throat to ease the constant feeling of nothing

No matter how many pills keep your mind under wraps

No matter how much you feel like a zombie

As long as you're happy right?

As long as you can force that smile right

Depression is nothing to be messed with