I care to much

I care to much about how my jeans look 

I care to much about how my hair looks 

If I seem bored which I'm not 

I tug and twist my shirt but it doesn't look right

I care to much 

I care to much about what people think of me

Every weird glance 

Every absent hug 

Maybe I am thinking to hard 

Or I see the worst in people 

Or imagine the worst 

I care to much about being a good friend 

Is that good? 

Maybe 

No 

Yeah no

I care to much about keeping on my mask of calmness 

They want a reaction 

I want a to give a reaction 

But I care to much about my tears and feelings 

I try to hold them back but sometimes movies, books, and songs make them spill 

when a character dies and the family is so devastated the grief  seems to seep through the papers and music

I care to much 

I really wish the constant rock on my chest would go away 

I wish my my lungs would stop asking for more air then i can give 

I wish that validation was not needed to be in the recipe book of me

I wish I could scream my emotions 

But what would the neighbors think 

I truly wish i could shoot a shot without the constant worry of im not good enough 

But I can't because I care too much