When you say childhood

I remember nature

Acres of woods behind my house 

All for us to explore

Every season of the year

I remember never going to school

I am homeschooled

Only two hours of work

And sometimes none at all

I remember my sisters

Racing to the duckpond minutes away

Taking shortcuts to get downtown through the woods

I remember saving my birthday money to buy 

The princess walkie talkies 

Twenty dollars 

They didn’t work

But I still loved them

“My first phone” 

I remember racing down hill on

Our razor scooters

The death of my ankles in other words

I remember wondering why some girls were

Obsessed with makeup

Or wear dresses

Or play with Barbies

I wore cargo shorts

I smudged berries from the woods on my face

I built forts from branches

Every summer I had scabs on my knees

From teaching myself how to skate

I remember trying to build a 

Contraption 

That would fly

How amazing it would be 

If I could see the world 

From way up

But when I was younger I couldn’t see 

I was ignorant

I didn’t know what people thought of

People

Like 

Me 

The occasional murmur of 

Terrorist

Or 

Towel head

I remember

When my days of 

carelessness 

And 

Freedom 

Turned to

Fear 

And 

Self consciousness

Why do I have to always act perfect in public

Why do people stare 

Why do people think I don’t speak english

Why am I told to go back to my country

But I’m from here

Why was I becoming ashamed of my culture and who I was

I wasn’t Muslim enough to hangout with the Muslims

I don’t speak arabic

I haven’t memorized more than 10 pages of Quran

I don’t pray 5 times a day

I don’t dress modestly enough

And

Not nonmuslim enough to hang out with the nonmuslims

I have that strange thing on my head

Are you bald

Do you shower with that on

Are your parents forcing you to wear that thing

It can get lonely

Not being able to fit in

Not being proud

My childhood was bright and eventful

Most of the happiest moments of my life happened

When I was a child 

But

I guess 

Others 

Opinions

Have ruined it

When you say childhood

I think of 

When I learned that people are 

Rude

Uneducated

Self centered

Careless

Insensitive

Racist

Violent

Problematic

When I learned about

9/11

I was twelve 

I was informed that 

All

Muslims

Were 

Terrorists

They told me I was 

Oppressed

And 

Trapped

But

I at one point in my life I

Dreamed

Of the days when I would wear my 

Hijab

Now I don’t see it the same

I feel 

ashamed

I feel 

unworthy

I feel 

Confused

And when I talk about it

They tell me 

That 

I’m obsessed with it

I’m playing the victim

Not everything is about it

Or I don’t mean it

I just want to know

Why are people so 

Scared

Of a religion

Or 

Why they would see me as a 

Threat

I guess some people don’t 

Understand

What 

Hatred

Can do to a 

Child