fleeting moments
i grab your face
in your eyes
i see mine
it gets too real

i found god that day
not within humanity
(i don’t worship myself
but he begs to differ)
i found it in
hand grabs
coiled skeletal fingers
reaching towards grey-smoke clouds
cool breath on some pseudo Fall
afternoon
(we knew it was the end
of winter, after spring never came)

i found god that day
you told me not to believe
in fairytales, in idealistic myths
i didn’t listen
maybe i should (not) have listened
to the howl of ill patriotism
or felt the stillness and rage of
icy catastrophes

i grabbed your face
your cheeks were cold
your eyes showed no remorse
your hands never pushed me away
but you did

i found you that day
huddled in teenage angst and
a flurry of inexplicable
tenderness
and then i realized
religion could not save me
when you juxtaposed yourself

i think you were janus
january had never come so
quickly
falling feverishly
frantically for some time
i ran out
i plunged deeper

you never broke my Fall