You tell me to be who you want me to be

You make me feel like I’m less than myself

I know your intentions are true

But your words are wrong

“I don’t want you to end up being

Like the adults I don’t like, 

The ones who I have to deal with at work, 

Who always smell”

I know that I haven’t showered in a few days

It’s not because I don’t want to be clean

I get to the shower as fast as I can

I scrub my hair until I can’t feel the difference 

Between my dirty tangled blonde mess

Or my hands rubbed raw from the soap

I wash under my arms and sob

Hopefully now you won’t hate me

I want to reach out to you and 

Tell you why I’m crying in the shower again

I want to say “you told me that you’ll

Hate me if I don’t do this”

But you will say “you are turning 

My words against me”

You say that I’m your best friend

That you will keep me safe, 

That despite what my father says, 

I don’t have to dress up to make people like me

Right now it doesn’t feel like it’s true

So for now I Rub my skin raw, 

Trying to get the things you hate away

And hope that soon that you won’t hate me anymore.