grandfather, i’m trapped again on this endless grassy blanket

it’s dotted with murmuring violet hues

its petals rustle in a soft hymn 

and the flowers are singing their feathery song 

(but why is it different from when you came here with me? its eerie susurrus before the crimson storm…as the petals begin to fall in the waltzing wind...)

grandfather, there’s a hollow mist that floats about-

the velvet echo in this meadow of a haunting melody

the glistening crescendo as trees surrender their emerald treasures

for scarlet rubies and ambers and rogue garnets

grandfather, the birds’ bellies now are mostly 

staccato, speckled ones, showered in ash;

and the domed sky today is a serenade of a 

soft, yet brilliant blue 

(but why is it suffocating? why does it trap me here? I can feel their eyes on me, i can feel their hushed intentions...i can’t inhale, now i have to exhale… i do as you always say… count backwards from ten and breathe…10..9...8...) 

grandfather, they stand in huddles around you 

like vultures around a fresh kill

that woman in the fur coat keeps asking 

for me- for Will

grandfather, why are they different?

from them i can hear nothing

but an empty       silence

all music trickles to a stop with a creeping ritardando 

(why does this haunting emptiness hug me so tight with its poisonous caresses, and its kisses steal my breath away…crawling up my throat...i’m drowning… i can’t brea...7..6..5…)

grandfather, remember when you cried then

with rivers of teardrops flowing through the mountainous crevices of your face

i can see their eyes with tears falling too

drip...drop...drip- at an ever steady pace

grandfather, but they are not crying

it seems even their tears can lie in a luring siren song

But now the music is returning with an all too silky sweetness

like the rich cerulean of a riptide

and i can hear the woman in the fur coat’s whistling black rhapsody

(what is this inching throb? It lays heavily on my breast as the cold and blue tipped fingers clamp around my bleeding heart- lusting for my shallow breaths...red-hot sparks in this blueish bruising ache...4...3...2...)

grandfather, the blanket’s murmuring chorus now whispers so quietly 

goodnight grandfather, did they tuck you in tight?

they’re singing their goodbyes, in a saccharine lullaby;

a soothing azure, but i can still hear the dark harmony that lingers

grandfather? grandfather! 

grandfather?

Grandfather…

I can’t hear it anymore

Grandfather. You lied to me. You lied to me when you said it would be ok. You lied to me. You lied to me when you said you would stay. You lied to me. You lied to me when you said to count backwards. You lied to me. You lied to me when you said to breathe. You lied to me in your familiar violet hues. Liar...

You lied to me, and now I realize how this aching blue and sparking red make your purple. 

He said

as the darkened iris song shed its petals

and echoed violetly through his boyish heart in its final

chord.

(...1…)

Inhale. Exhale. Breathe.