It gushes, roves, pounds the dead-locked windows.

I sit, motionless, my hands poised over

a faintly hissing, glimmering flicker,

angular fingers frost, tingling from the

prickling pain of a million needles

as traces of warmth feed the unfillable hole.

hearken the tune of a sad melody,

‘Tis the low humming of my stiffened smile.

I sit, motionless, eyes skimming over

the two poached eggs and a crumbling toast

I chew a million times, but can’t swallow

for him, her, they, I repeat to myself

systematically, uncontrollably.

I sit, motionless, throat gasping for air

between sobs and chokes in the endless night.

they stand by my last defense line and knock——

perfunctorily, once, twice, then twist the

doorknob, this time locked…...key? gone forever.

I sit, motionless, ears trying to block

the desperate calls of  “honey, darling......

open up……tell us, say it, let us know…...”

always slapping a bandaid on a scar,

sprinkling pinches of sea salt on a wound.

I sit, motionless, as the clock ticks five

as the faded curtains fight a losing

battle against the glaring rays of light.

“what are you doing?” cries an abrupt voice.

“waiting for…… a beam of sunlight to come.”

“crazy? sick? Wherefore is the girl so?”

“oh——distance yourselves, what an odd-one-out.”

I reach, branch out my numb fingertips to

touch the sun that’s pouring through the window,

the just-risen sun whose beams seem so warm……

but my body is ice cold, loss of all

warmth the moment it leaves its safe harbor

of my crackling charcoal fire. And so

I retreat, into the dust-gray corner.

I sit, motionless, my pulsing heartbeat

so slow, so quiet, desperate to leave.

surrounding me is a bay of tranquility.

for I am smiling but I am frowning

for I am laughing but I am sobbing.

a feather flows onto my window, a

beautiful, pristine feather sent by the wind

I can almost see the sun peeking through

the thick dust-like clouds calling for me.

Monotonous, repetitive, pointless.

In a toppling tower of rock and cement,

no light can penetrate, come, then go.

May there be enough clouds and smoke

to form a beautiful sunset.

Hearken to the tune of a soft lullaby,

‘Tis the low humming of my faint, faint frown.