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Guilty Conscience
i should go to bed:
i should go to bed
but i can't
wind howling through the small crack in my window
the spot where you laid
now bare
just a print of how you used to lay
to deep for me and to big
i stay on my side
blankets no longer shared
so i can curl up
but it's not the same
not the same not falling asleep by you
not the same waking up without you
nothings the same anymore
i should go to bed
denial:
denial is
pillows laid out like your laying next to me
denial is
not touching your nightstand
because you liked everything in order
denial is
calling in sick for work
just to walk around the house in your clothes
denial is
doing everything in the morning
pretending everythings okay
denial is
thinking your still here
all in black:
all in black
i stand there watching
watching the people who barely knew you cry
and pretending to be okay
as strangers say there sorry
sorry for my loss
do you know how hard it was
how hard it was to wear something other then your clothes
you said you'd wait
you promised you wait
wed grow old
but no
i guess it was okay for you to break your vows
nothing i can do now that your
six feet down
six feet down:
six feet down
your stuck in the ground
they say i should go visit
but i still have my denial
the dog still looks for you
and i still wear your clothes
they said it'd take awhile
don't think they meant a year
it should be me
not you
six feet down
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The piece I wrote in a way represents the stages of grief. As a person who has never really experienced the loss of a loved one I tried diving deeper into my emotions. I put my self in the place of a sigifigant other who just lost their love. I tried to think of what I would do if I was in that place. The gulity conscience comes in in the fact that whenever someone passes away you think of what you did wrong and everything you could of done to make this avoidable. At first when the the story begins with "I Should Go To Bed" you think you're experiencing a break up or loss of love but when you get to "All In Black" you start to piece together it is a funeral. I tried to piece together we know as signs of a death, like the black, and the people trying to comfort the deceased signifigant other. Instead of using capitials like many other poems I chose to use uncapitalzed wording to give the affect that the mourner is worn out and tired and grieving. While the whole story is ery the lowercase just show that that widower/ etc is worn out from the loss of their lover.