1.

a mansion in no-man’s-land with red wallpaper.

muffled music enjoyed by people passed out

on couches.

I remember there was a poem on the wall there.

I remember reading it as I brushed my teeth

when I was a little girl.

I can’t decide where these dreams crawl from, 

though it always feels so fervent in the moment.

the anger and passion, the cool poison of tears.

mars fell to his knees in ache the first time I

lost sleep over you.

2.

or maybe

it was a hotel.

it looks like isolation, like blizzard, like

winter, like cheating.

the shining (in your eyes as I realized)

I remember the love in mine a month ago

when I thought about it again.

you checked into a new place long before

you checked out of me 

3.

maybe the illusion is just in the wallpaper.

it wouldn’t be the first time I was poorly

mistaken.

walls like blood, like deadly love, like murder,

like all play and no work

got you in the mood to break me furiously.

you know I shattered.

you watched me.

and I’m better now but I would still

like to see you broken, 

if I could

4.

just dreams, I know.

it always is, always was

5.

do you know my breath is cold in my chest?

only after nights of loving you