It’s 2am and I can’t sleep, 

maybe it’s because I’m on my phone, 

but I can’t seem to want to go to sleep because of what I’m thinking.

I am listening to music that calms me 

but also triggers my memory of the wonderful and horrible times I’ve had

 with people that are now pretty much strangers to me. 

Not all are strangers because something went wrong or we didn’t connect. 

Some are we just stopped talking or lost the connection I thought was going to last a long time. 

Everyone says that it makes you feel better if you talk about your feelings; 

that it helps you to get that weight lift off your shoulders. 

But ive said these stories so many times to different people to try to see if it did any good; 

it didn’t. 

I’ve talked about the most hurtful things that have happened to me to people I trust, 

or should trust. 

Everything about me changed so suddenly

 and I don’t know if I can keep up anymore.

I don’t know who I am. 

Everyone says I’m having an identity crisis; my dad said it first.

He says that I lost interest in the things that I used to like. 

I listen to different music and dress differently,

 even talk differently. 

He says that I need to get my things together, 

like if it was so easy, 

but it’s not. 

I’ve tried many times. 

But it just results in me forgetting about my true self even more.

I don’t know when I started to change to the person people wanted me to be. 

The person that wasn’t me.

I hurt so much because I feel that I’m wrong; 

messed up. 

I feel broken. 

And I don’t know why I feel that way. 

I expressed my feelings already, isn’t that enough?

I am so scared to show my true self, 

whatever it is,

 because I’m scared to lose more people. 

I already lost so many people I wish I still had in my life today. 

I change so much to fit every person’s desire. 

I act like the girls at my school so they don’t think I’m different.

 I try to keep up with what they keep up so I won’t be the odd one out.

I feel so lost. 

I feel like the ugly duckling,

 but with no happy ending.

I don’t know who I am anymore, 

I don’t think I ever knew.

 I didn’t have someone to talk to when I was sad 

I had to act like I was happy, 

but I wasn’t. 

But “I’m really okay guys, my eyes are just dry”