That day was the worst part of my life,

I lost my will to have feeling,

lost a part of my heart

I never knew existed.

I knew she would go soon but I never knew today,

June 7, 2018.

Her name was Molly Kay Geerts,

black lab, dalmatian mix,

14 years young.

She declined slowly at first.

Slowly stopped being herself,

slowly dragged her paws while jogging,

she was not in any type of pain the last few days

that I could tell…

I remember…

her first injury like it was yesterday,

I had tears running down my face,

scared she would die from twisting her ankle.

Scared she would bleed out from a cut.

I remember…

our first dress up day…

I would put an old shirt on her and a hat.

Dance around with her front paws on my shoulders.

She was the best dance partner,

wagging her tail like crazy,

not judging me at all,

nudging me up when I fell,

licking my tears when I cried from a scratched knee.

I remember every moment with her,

and now I feel like she is all I can think about,

every single day.

The difference after she left was tangible.

I started to become depressed.

Suicidal.

Angry.

Anxious.

I ended up going to a therapist later in the year;

I felt I had no control anymore.

Eventually it got better.

Still not how I used to be when she was here.

I can remember being happy with Molly.

I would go outside and cuddle with her and a warm, fuzzy blanket,

she would always try to make me feel better.

I would lay on the ground and fake cry,

and she would dig under me until I laughed.

She made me laugh,

made me feel appreciated,

and made me feel grossed out by her slobber that ended up on me.

I remember those things and now I look back at them wishing for the past.

June 5, 2019-

she began to foam at the mouthw

she started to walk slower,

run slower.

At night,

When the cold wind whipped cruelly at her fur,

we had to bring her inside.

I tried to hand feed her,

she wouldn’t move,

I tried to play with her,

she wouldn’t move.

I tried to lay with her,

she just licked me because she knew I was sad.

She was a part of my family,

I thought of her as a sister.

She just ended-

little

by

little.

She left me before I could let go.

I tried to let go slowly,

I tried to make her feel comfortable,

I had given her all the treats she wished for.

Now she is in heaven with my grandpa.

Rest in peace,

Molly Kay Geerts.