i never fit in | Teen Ink

i never fit in

September 23, 2019
By Anonymous

i never fit in 

stares from my classmates as I bite my lip,

clench my fists

to keep their eyes from crumbling me to pieces

I want to scream and run

Down the halls as swiftly as my 9 year old legs could carry me

I never fit in


Tapping… 

tapping… 

tapping…

my fingers

my feet

the teachers voice like staccato knives that cut

into my brain and sound like a roller coaster ride 

and a merry go round all at once


the merry go round

the roller coaster

the merry go round

the ROLLER COASTER


inside my head

up 

down

and around again

each noise pushed into my brain like the marching of a thousand drummers


trying to hide

away from all the sound

the lights

the never ending noise


don’t touch me

now touch me

press my flesh until i can feel the pressure 

start to calm me down


the worries fade

my thoughts grow silent

I look around and see them all around me

feeling okay

but still

in the back of my head i know

ill never fit in.


The author's comments:

I intended on writing my poem as a reflection of my childhood. Growing up with issues that I didn’t know how to handle or cope with. I was always an outsider, never had a clue at how to be a ‘normal’ kid. My poem originated when I was brainstorming. I was trying to find a way to start a meaningful poem that meant a lot to me, I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity and make it amazing. I included repetition and a lot of sensory in my poem. For example, when I repeated the word ‘tapping’ I was hoping too show the effect of having a sensory disorder growing up, my ears hearing everything, even if it’s the smallest noise. I also used a lot of sensory in my poem, like when I explain how I like feeling the pressure of someones touch, pressing against my skin. I want the readers to understand the true feelings that people with anxiety, sensory, and autism actually feel. I like how real my poem is, how much it means to have written it and have someone reading it. 


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