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i never fit in
i never fit in
stares from my classmates as I bite my lip,
clench my fists
to keep their eyes from crumbling me to pieces
I want to scream and run
Down the halls as swiftly as my 9 year old legs could carry me
I never fit in
Tapping…
tapping…
tapping…
my fingers
my feet
the teachers voice like staccato knives that cut
into my brain and sound like a roller coaster ride
and a merry go round all at once
the merry go round
the roller coaster
the merry go round
the ROLLER COASTER
inside my head
up
down
and around again
each noise pushed into my brain like the marching of a thousand drummers
trying to hide
away from all the sound
the lights
the never ending noise
don’t touch me
now touch me
press my flesh until i can feel the pressure
start to calm me down
the worries fade
my thoughts grow silent
I look around and see them all around me
feeling okay
but still
in the back of my head i know
ill never fit in.

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I intended on writing my poem as a reflection of my childhood. Growing up with issues that I didn’t know how to handle or cope with. I was always an outsider, never had a clue at how to be a ‘normal’ kid. My poem originated when I was brainstorming. I was trying to find a way to start a meaningful poem that meant a lot to me, I wanted to take advantage of the opportunity and make it amazing. I included repetition and a lot of sensory in my poem. For example, when I repeated the word ‘tapping’ I was hoping too show the effect of having a sensory disorder growing up, my ears hearing everything, even if it’s the smallest noise. I also used a lot of sensory in my poem, like when I explain how I like feeling the pressure of someones touch, pressing against my skin. I want the readers to understand the true feelings that people with anxiety, sensory, and autism actually feel. I like how real my poem is, how much it means to have written it and have someone reading it.