When I heard her, I knew I was back here again
There she lay on her back behind the receptionist
Neon light above her, dazzling my eyes
I was back here again
The hotel, where she was always waiting for me
I had been dreaming. The same place every time
She kept the door open for me
She made my bed, made it smell of lavender clouds. Dreams
Mother liked lavender
 
She saw me entering the door; she stood up, prepared me food
Fries topped with vanilla ice cream. Mother knew I liked it that way
Dreams
“Welcome back.” She said
“My child, who do you want to see this time?”
 
I had this secret that nobodycouldever unveil
I had this deal with her, that
Iwould come back here every time, and she brought me lives I missed
 
I  played with my childhood dog. My first memory of life
She made it feel so real. Dreams
I almost believed that it was still alive
 
I invited my best childhood friend to dinner. My first love, not by blood
We hid in the dark. I murmured in her ears
She giggled; I laughed. For a moment I almost forgot
 She was no longer in my life, gradually
I asked her where she was right now, in reality. Dreams
She never answered
I didn’t know the answer
 
It was time, I thought
“My mother.” I replied
I wanted to see her. In her arms my tears ran dry
I missed the lavender scent of her hair
The gentle touch of her hand, never once another temperature so mild
 
She turned her head away. “She’s not here.”
 
Suddenly, I saw her clearly
Her dark hair, pale complexion, eyes like dappled sunlight of summer days
Summer days are too short
Suddenly, I remembered her face
Mother!
 
“She will never be here.” She sighed.
 
It was my bodythat was in the real world
My mind the invisible current of electricity, flowing aimlessly in the air
A bubble of a dream. She is the maker
 
She looked exactly like mother
“I am not she.” Her voice was so far way
“You’ve mistaken. It is your dream.”
I ran to her. She escaped also
She wouldn’t hold my hand, wouldn’t embrace me, wouldn’t
Dreams, her voice was so far away
 
Pop!
The hotel vanished before me, she also.
I couldn’t remember her face the next second I opened my eyes.
Again!
Mother, my pillow wet
 
I was back here again. Shouting, crying, searching
She left. She said it was my dream
But why?
The hotel was never again
She was never again
Dreams, I never had another dream