“Don’t Tell Anyone”

Don’t tell anyone but...

There are days where I don’t think I'll ever see my mom smile again

There are days where her smiles falter and they don’t reach her eyes

There are far too many days where her voice has no emotion and her eyes are so glossy you can see

Your reflection in them

Don’t tell anyone but...

There are days where I miss my dad

The dad I used to know

I miss the dad that held my hand on the train and played Marco polo with me in the pool

Not the one that found solace in a bottle of vodka and peace in sleeping 19 hours a day

Don’t tell anyone but...

I can’t sleep

I sit and daydream amongst sheep that got tired of being counted and fell asleep instead

I’ve spent far too many nights crying without tears and screaming silently because my throat is Hoarse from letting pure venom run out of my mouth like bile

Don’t tell anyone but...

I am stuck in my own body

The weight on my chest can’t be lifted off and the men in magazines remind me of what I am not

Remind me of the childhood I will never get to have

Remind me of the days where I didn’t wanna run outside with the other kids because the Movement of my chest was painful and unfamiliar

Don’t tell anyone but...

I want a permanent lullaby to bring me to another world and let me deal my own cards

Give me kings and not queens

Give me serotonin, not Prozac

Give me freckles not scars

Give me dimples not tear tracks

Where did I go wrong? say

What did I do wrong? say

How did I upset you? say

Should I stop talking? say

I’ve gone off track? say 

How can I go off track when I was given too many paths and not one finish line that ended with me walking into a sunset like a fairytale I’m told I’ll get

Don’t tell anyone but...

Please hold me

Don't tell anyone but

Silence hurts my ears

Don't tell anyone but

Blades mock me

Don't tell anyone but

Pill bottles break promises

Don’t tell anyone but

I have constellations ingrained in my skin

Don’t tell anyone but

I’m tired of not getting what I try so hard to give

Don’t tell anyone  

But I’m tired of being covered by a blanket that makes me cold

Don’t tell anyone

But I’ll stop talking now