I want you to know I am no expert. I am entering a new pool of interest. I think I am in love. But I'm afraid to let myself go, Afraid I will get to deep. Afraid to drown in my emotion. I wish I could rip these shackles off my ankles so I can resurface. I think I like them, I really think I do. Now I am floating, souring underwater. But something about how I feel confuses me. Do I love him? My breath held as long as it could. Do I just like him? Exhale. Is he just a friend? Inhale. I hear everyone else's problems, there's are worst. I was sucking up water like a vacuum. So, I take how I feel and box up. I couldn't move a single muscle in my body. Then shove it deep down inside myself filling a void I created. I was shouting, flailing, sinking.

I want to cry

I want to scream

I want to laugh

I want to be heard

I just want to let it all go. To leave the sheer bloody panic. But I find myself holding back, hiding, I find myself saying they won't understand. I want the feelings to dissipate. I am longing for a stop sign, so I may begin. I am the robot they have always said I was. The robot they made me become. I am confused

I want my lips to stay sealed.