You open your eyes

You let out a sigh

And after attempting to rise

In bed you still lie

Walk out the door

To feelings of defeat

You smile and wave once more

But in your heart you feel beat

By the end of the routine

You are tired once again

Against the door you lean

Walking back into your den

Alone in the dark

You don’t reach for the switch

The silence so stark

No so much as a twitch

But the shame in it all is you have so much

Blaming your sadness on the world, using it as a crutch

Saying no one cares about you and such

But the truth of it is, you shy away from their touch

Love is all around if you simply look

Take your head out of the clouds

And be one with the crowds

The masses of love and strength are here

Ready to be with you, if you just lend an ear

Good word choice

More powerful bc it’s more revealing in first person

Like imagery and descriptions and feeling, rhyme scheme was inconsistent and clouds and crowds don’t go well

In the beginning talked about going through the day skips, tell more about routine, add more detail

Thought it would be more repetition more on a loop bc of title prefer if u did more about title

Changed the rhythm of poem in clouds and crowds, add more words to make same