I will never be able to say it first.

Those damn three words.

The three words that when said together can either completely rebuild or break down a person.

No matter how badly I desire saying them,

something will always take hold of the words as they begin to escape my lips.

Maybe it’s the fear that you won’t mirror the words.

That we will stand there in silence, my heart shattering as you look into my eyes, tripping over every word you know, searching for the right ones.

Any words.

Except. Those. Three.

I hear the familiar phrase being repeated every day.

The words strung together perfectly like beads on a string.

The couple walking to work together, the mother dropping her child off at school, my dad as I walk out the door in the morning.

Voices bounce to familiar tones and frequencies until I understand exactly what they want to say, exactly as they want it said.

It’s so familiar yet equally as daunting. So the words stay dormant. Bottled up in my head, slowly building to a boil. Sitting at the tip of my tongue creating small cuts for my guilt and fear to fill.

I hold them back. I want to be able to say it. I should be able to.

Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it.

I feel it. All the right feelings, just how they are supposed to be felt.

Don't say it. Don't say it. Don't say it.

It’s undeniable. If I feel it so strongly, you must too.

Don't say it. Don't say it, Don't say it.

I love you.