The air was thick as you pulled into the driveway

I wanted more than anything to be happy

But I couldn’t

The anxiety of uncovering something lost

Is worse than just leaving it in the dark

Forgetting about it so you don’t have to bring up

Why they never called

Or sent a card on your birthday

Why then never stopped by on their way across the country

But you know there's a reason

There has to be

The gate opens slowly and your nerves begin to tense

Welcome to California

Are we here already?

I’m not prepared

Not yet

Your eyes dart around the new surroundings

A new place, new fears

You brain starts to take it all in:

Big house

Large yard

Old horse

Nice car

I could avoid her

There’s a balcony upstairs

Just sit outside

Calm my nerves

The car parks

You feel your head come off the back of the seat

As your dad’s foot comes of the brake

You reach stiffly across your lap to unclasp the seatbelt

You swallow the fear rising in your throat

Like a cartoon you hear it echo from ear to ear

Loud enough for the antagonist to hear

Feeding their confidence

I can’t do this

It’s been too long

What if she doesn’t remember me?

And if she does, can she tell me apart from my sister?

What if she’s mad?

Or upset?

Or anything but happy?

You open the car door and poke your head out before setting your foot down on the gravel

You grab your bag

Putting it over one shoulder

Closing the door with the other hand

You start towards the the large charcoal colored house

Watch your step

Be careful

Don’t trip

Don’t fall

Don’t look up

Look down

Avoid the grass

Don’t want stains on your new white shoes

Oh no the sidewalk

Don’t step on the crack or you’ll…

Yeah yeah okay...

Got it

You look up at the front door as you hear a small metallic click

Coming from the bronze handle

Head down

Don’t look

The grass here is a brownish-yellow from the drought

It makes everything else pop

Like a standardbred from the gate

Look around

At the…

The door opens

Head down!

Ummmm

Gravel!

Yes the gravel!

The gravel?

As in the rock?

It’s grey

And flat

And…

And it’s down.

Keep it that way

“Wow you’ve gotten so big!”

An older woman walked out

Followed a small dog

Like a little doberman

“Hi?” You said

Hi?

Why would I say hi?

You got pulled into a hug that you weren’t quite prepared for

Ohmygod

Ohmygod

Ohmygod

But you love her

Your grandma is your grandma no matter where she goes

No matter how long you have to wait to see her

No matter whether she

Calls or,

Sends a card on your birthday,

Whether she stopped by or not

She’s yours

You love her

This stressful event

Is just the beginning

Of the most fun summer

You'd ever have

Head up

“I’ve missed you so much”

Smile

“I’ve missed you too”