Forgive and forget

Forgive

Even if the pain is killing and no one can see

I must be the person they want me to be

But the building pressure inside is like a ticking time bomb

A bomb that will never be disabled

For the fear of cutting the wrong wire keeps them away

And leaves me to walk astray.

I can feel their expectations

Glaring

through judging eyes

Cold

Harsh

Petrifying  

i'm frozen

Stuck in a place between nowhere

and my own twisted thoughts

Unable to escape

unable to break free from mental chains

the chains that bind me

To myself   

My mind

A dark space with no one around

Just me and my thoughts

No one around to cause altercations

Just me

And their expectations

But if you can’t forgive

If it’s too much hurt

I can no longer hide the tears stained on my shirt

Silently

Running down my face in heavy streams

But with no cries and no screams

Forget.

Don’t think

Move on

But my mind is racing

my own obstacles i’m facing

Holding the weight of the world on my shoulders

Jumping over hurdles

placed down by my own thoughts

Lifting the weight of others by my own choice

Don't show emotion

“I miss the girl you used to be”

“You were so happy”

I’m sorry to disappoint

I guess

I didn't live up to the expectations

Rules set by my own friends

Without realizing it

He told me he missed a time

A time when I kept it all in

When I met the expectations

When I followed the rules  

Don’t let them see your cries

I was told by a friend once

“90% of the time crying is weakness

The other 10% is when a family member dies”

So the

Weak

Tears

Streaming down my face

are for my own funeral

Mourning the loss of my sanity

Remembering a time when I was happy

When I was free

Just a child

Flying above

Thinking the world was at my feet

But when the people closest to you clip your wings

It's almost like the wings were never there

Freedom was always just out of reach

Forever a figment of my imagination

I was never free

That was a fantasy

A dream

But it's time to wake up  

Expectations

They weigh us down

They set us off

They chain us up

They clip our wings

But even the victims of one perspective

Are the antagonists of another   

We are all guilty of judgments

It's part of being human

So I guess this vicious cycle will never end

These are my words

These are the thoughts I’ve kept inside to appease  

To follow the rules

To meet expectations of silence

But I’m done with metal chains

And I’m done with this prison

I know my declamation with cause altercations

But i’m done living up to expectations