I sit, I stand, I walk.

I stare at those big brown eyes, and I want to sob into your chest for everyone I've lost, everything I've ever been, and everything I ever wasn't. I want to cry for your bulimia and my undiagnosed eating disorder tendencies. I cry for my illness. I cry for you.

I never wanted to be this way. So broken I can't stand on my own two feet alone. I never wanted anyone to see me like this, but here I lay in scattered pieces, trying to scrape up all the good and toss all the bad.

I tried so hard to never be this way. I never wanted to be sick. I never wanted to see numbers instead of food, and the voices were never supposed to be real, yet I sit with my psychosis, and I cry.

Sometimes all you can do is cry.

Take me to the mountain tops where I can scream until I lose my voice and my lungs hurt. 

My hips hurt. God, I can barely move.

Grandad, did you see those pills? Did it hurt you? I know it hurt me.

I always loved you...my god do I love you. How do you fall in love with someone who isn't yours?

Posession. Can someone ever be yours?