I terrify

I shove

I make ugly red messes

I revel in my dominion

Over the pigtailed jump-ropers and

Sweaty boys shooting hoops

Watch hours slither down the sturdy grey walls of the detention room

I’m supposed to mourn the blood-stained faces and taste regret

But the color red has the bittersweet flavor of triumph

I go home

Anticipating

Trembling

He terrifies

He shoves

He makes ugly red messes

I burrow deep, deep, deep into my bed- my refuge

That soaks up my messy tears like a sponge

And hugs me close like Mommy used to

In the mirror I see a damaged face pasted together

It’s mottled in the stains of humiliation

Fear is embedded deep beneath the iron grey eyes

Sometimes I want to sprout feathery white wings

And drift away…

Into the heavens to see my mother again

Into that land kissed with warm colors, yellows and greens

“Go away!”

Their voices haunt me

And the teary, crimson visages of the pigtailed jump-ropers and

Sweaty boys shooting hoops hit me like my father's iron fists

I hear my own voice. Pleading. Screaming.

“Go away.”