People say that people like me should just be happy

“Smile and everything will be okay”

“It’s not that hard”

If only that were true

My deepest regrets

hiding behind my eyes

eyes watching everything

wondering and wondering and wondering

am i the only one feeling this feeling?

the feeling that i am unimportant

“loving yourself is not the same as selfish”

if only that were true to me

Society says “You have to be beautiful to be accepted”

Society says “You have to have friends to be accepted”

Society says “You can’t be unique to be accepted”

if only it were true

Does anyone in this room know how that feels?

Knowing that you will never be enough to be accepted

I’m like a sapling in a forest

Growing, but never quite big enough as the other trees

The others are beautiful and accepted into society

Yet here I am, left behind in the dust

Society says, “We do not accept weirdos”

Society says, “You need to be pretty to be accepted”

Society says “People need to like you to be accepted”

What if I cannot be accepted?

A volcano is a worthy metaphor for my life

Fine for hundreds of years

Then, out of nowhere, it explodes

I’m aware I’m not the prettiest in the world

I’m aware that I am not like everyone else in this room

I’m aware that I cannot be like everyone else

Yet everyone else is like everyone else

whispers, whispers, all around

sometimes i wonder if my heart could be found

insomnia walking toward me

regrets, regrets, regrets

can’t you see

like that one time in sixth grade

how embarrassing

or last year

everyday

or yesterday

“new year new me” people say

more like “new year same me”

regrets & sins don’t wash away just like that

if only it were true

emotions, emotions, emotions

ochevviefest, now that one day was a disaster

Are my family problems normal?

He deceived me

Deceived all of us

My sister, and my step-mom

Thought you were better than that

can’t cry, can’t share

can’t say what im feeling

shouldn’t i be able to?

im the daughter of a psychologist, psychologists can talk about it!

i ask people to vent to me their problems

i wish it wasn’t true

but i have problems too

people in this world are too selfish

thinking only for themselves

yes, you totally have issues

it’s not that i dont care

but i have other people’s problems on my shoulders

i hear fire from other people’s mouths

their mouths rapidly spilling flames

“its fine”

“you have heard this your whole life”

All of this i have told myself

people in this world are too selfish

thinking only for themselves

thinking only for themselves

headache, aching between my eyes

maybe its God telling me to stop

but i can’t stop

i can’t stop helping people

when people need to help me

can’t cry, can’t share

can’t say what im feeling

shouldn’t i be able to?

if only it were true

People say that you should just be happy

“Smile and everything will be okay”

if only it were true

can i just take an eraser

and erase away it all?

maybe then life would be easier

if only it were true

questions on my lips

nervousness, anxiety

can people accept me for who i am?

in between the two

i’m okay

im great, actually

but sometimes you have to get some things off your tongue

if only it were true