Age six, staring out the window, a black sky surrounds me.
Hands shaking, fingers stiff, body unmoving.
I lay frightened, tense.
The slightest movement signals its presence
The nameless face lurking under my bed
Watching my fears, bringing them to life
A monster that would take me away,

Locking me into a cage.

Imagining the worst
I planned
I thought of how I would kill it
with a shoe, a book, my hands
Thoughts of my youth,
Crazy, and absurd
I feared a creature

a creature with no existence.

Now I’m seventeen,
And a new monster has emerged
once hidden in darkness
It has come unmasked
It consumes me and yet it has no true form
A darkness swirling inside me
Finding my weakness, my insecurities

It turns my worst fears into a reality.

I keep my lights on
Fighting off the darkness of night
But the monster stays,
I can’t make it leave
I feel its constant presence
Consuming everyday life
Frightened and tense, I lay

waiting.

I try to run away but I can’t
It is locked inside of me, talking to me
A voice of disdain
Breaking me down
The monster has stolen what I once was
A light sparkling in the sun
Smooth, clean, perfectly pieced together

But everything said chipped away at me.

No longer smooth,
No longer clean
Edges razor sharp
I cut people without trying
A defense,
a protection
Stopping others from seeing what I truly am,

A broken shard of glass.

Sometimes the monster leaves
But it’s always lurking
Waiting
Disguised in black
It watches me
Watches me bleed, black and red
The suffocating substance pulls me down

I am useless.

A shard
I Try to put myself together
But the cracks are always there
Hidden in the dark of night
Laced in black