She doesn’t see what I see

Some days I wonder if she even cares about me

She tears me apart without knowing it

Somedays I wonder if we even fit

We fight about grades

And while she forgives my anger never fades

She doesn’t know what I go through every day

And every day another part of me fades away

All because of the unspoken truth

Some days I just have to lie on my floor listening to NF rap

And when I try to tell her what she’s blind to she tells me to sit in her lap

She wants me to be blind too

But I’m not going to let that happen, none of this is new

Her lap is a trap

It holds you til you see things her way

So I run

I go out in the night with no sun

It’s always the cold I use to numb myself

Until I feel right and not strange like an elf

I gave up most of what’s left of me

Just to try and make her happy

But it never works

I know this but I still try even though it hurts

Not all wounds are visible

Mine are almost completely invisible

I don’t want you to know my hurt

Because I don’t want to see you face plant into the dirt

If you knew how I feel every day, you’d be filled with fear

You might not even be here

You might have killed yourself

Because you have not been trained to be a warrior like myself

You have not been trained to fight

You don’t know how to find the light

In a world that has turned its back on you

Well it’s true

If you knew what went on inside my head

You wouldn’t want to leave your bed

All those words that were said

Were probably better left unsaid

You’d wear black all the time

I’m having a bit of a hard time making this rhyme

If you heard the names I’ve been called you wouldn’t want to feel

You’re lucky you at least know how to heal

I hate reality but I can never escape

I lie on the floor like a drape

Sometimes I just have to sit down in one place and hurt

I do this in a tank top because I hate doing it in my shirt

There’s a difference in just saying “I love you” and actually meaning it

I got friends who wonder if their crushes actually like them and it’s legit

I’ve never had a crush

But I’ve heard it all comes in a rush

I’m insecure but yet I’m confident in who I am

I love yet hate who I am

These kinds of emotions are like an ocean empty of care

And most days I’m gasping for air

I’m drowning in these feelings

And it stings