Used to be smiley, happy all over.

You used to laugh with honesty, no fake feelings

Everything was funny, all was bright

Wait no, let’s turn that into fake light.

Then you began to frown, not outside but in

Lost inside yourself, I could see it.

Tried to heal it

Help, oh I'll help and understand it

Maybe understanding your pain will help fix it?

Well I thought wrong, that became apparent.

8th grade, thought you were better.

Less fake feelings? Maybe you changed a bit?

Okay, you changed a lot

Something bigger than I thought

Again, I thought wrong.

Next time I wont think

at all

Now you’re using that thing

That thing, I can’t even say it

That thing: you like to hurt with it

Because for some reason

Adding to your pain with physical pain numbs the emotional pain; now my brain is in pain...

I don't have to understand it to understand it

Now I’m hurting when you use that thing

Things happened so quickly

Turned me stiff, you were only 13

13 and hurting, hurting, more than hurting.

Please, I want to heal your hurt and take you

To the right side of my brain

I want to help you with your pain,

But I cannot do that when you

Just continue to ride your own train

The wrong train

The wrong train

Stupid train, red all over

No warning, black all over

Beginning to lose hope, but I can't let you know

I know I’m hoping, but without hope

That’s a problem. I can’t let you know.

“It’s going to be okay,” I would say

Weary words, trying harder

Crying harder

No, don't cry harder; I can do that for you

Caught feeling helpless,

I feel responsible, though I know it’s not my fault

I failed, but it’s not my fault

Red train, it’s all your fault

All my fault

Confused and amused

Red train wants me

But I look up and see the white plane above me

No, no train for me

I still feel lonely

It’s my responsibility, you’re my friend

No, it’s not my fault, I don’t want you dead

I'm here, but I’m there, trying harder to understand

Understanding I cannot, cannot comprehend.

I know you’re still in pain,

Still changed, still in the hate train

All I can hope is that someday the white plane will take you away

Away where you cannot use that thing

Away where you don't want to use that thing

Away

But for now, all I can do is hope for you

Pray for you

Because after trying and crying as hard as I did,

After hurting from your hurting from you using that thing

I realized. It wasn’t my fault, nor my task

You were my friend, not my mission

As much as I feel sorry for you, I cannot fix it.

As for getting you off the red train, it’s the white plane’s job.

One day, we’ll all be on the right side, on that white, white plane

Even though you hurt me by hurting, I wish the best for you, and still love you, now I’m learning.