A decade has passed and the war of emotions in my mind has yet to cease
Intrusive thoughts armored with irrationality and despair disturb my peace
And my mind, once a vibrant thriving city, resembles a war torn nation,
Masked by an atmosphere of lifeless defeat
 
Ten years of foreign and unwanted sensations held my life captive
Would torture come from panic attacks or eternal sadness today?
Either way the confusion only cultivates a growing dismay
And each bomb, bullet, hit, and pill destroys my mind further
 
Ceasefire would sometimes ensue and leave me feeling only numbness and emptiness
No feat felt too powerful to conquer, but no feat felt too powerful to lure me from my bed of distress and I was left to survive in a cycle of hypocrisy that I, alone, created
 
Ten years of battle is damaging and exhausting and I am tired
I am tired and I am losing desire and determination to continue fighting
I have conquered death and loneliness, terror and sadness
But now I am tired and wounded, impaled through the chest by a bullet laced with regret
 
Still, I have felt happiness and excitement, curiosity and inspiration
My motivation comes in the form of travel and music, puzzles and TV
But the joy is taking refuge elsewhere and I guess that makes me a refugee within my own body
 
Though I still laugh when I’m meant to
And smile when greeted
My laughs never felt hollower 
And my smiles more forced
 
I can’t finish puzzles or finish TV shows or finish my thoughts
It’s difficult to see the progression of time and the linear plots
As my life remains stagnant
Lost to infinity with all the memories that I’ve forgot
 
Music has becomes a means of distraction from the bombs within my mind
If I listen closely to the vibrations of the chords and schemes of rhymes
Maybe I won’t notice the dreadful thoughts that wait for my
Weak, war-torn mind to wake in misery each morning
 
But I can’t continue mourning; I am overflowing with grief
Because I watched, though young, as your universe deteriorated
But the city within in your mind remained strong
And for that, my misplaced grief was wrong

For years, I recounted our final interactions
Was it to your satisfaction? Because it wasn’t to mine
Somehow, though young, I knew you were dying but everyone around us seemed fine
So when I missed your funeral, and skipped your burial, the mistake was no one’s but mine
 
I want to create the most beautiful city, in honor of you but anything I do
Wouldn’t do justice to the man who you were and continue to be for me
The years I spent locked in the apartment of 20G actually saved me
From the war outside that I was destined to find
 
But I think the war is coming to an end because I see a slight light streaming through the door
And I am no longer trapped in the prison your hands created long before
I could remember what it meant but spent tireless hours trying to forget
But for some unknown reason I haven’t given up yet