When you cheated on me, I forgave you.
But only partially.
Because when you cheated on me, you tore my heart out and
held it above your head like an Aztec sacrifice to the gods.
You left me (someone who is know for their toughness) vulnerable.
And I cannot forgive that.
When you cheated on me I still loved you.
I still love you.
When you cheated on me I did not think of being angry towards you, no.
I slept.
I slept because in my dreams you are still faithful.
In my dreams you still hold me when you cry.
In my DREAMS you do not ask for a break because you think I am too much to handle.
You smile and appreciate the fact I call you beautiful more than I remember to breathe when saying it.
When you cheated on me I told myself you wouldn't ever do it again.
That it was a simple mistake because you had been out with a friend and drank too much.
I'm good at telling myself lies.
Not because I'm a good liar, but because I'm a good believer.
When you cheated on me I believed that we would recover.
And that it would all just disappear and fade into distant memories.
Something I'd pitifully bring up after 25 years of us being together as a way to guilt trip you into getting ice cream with me at 3 am.
When you cheated on me I imagined kissing you 1,000 times.
But after you cheated you didnt want to kiss me anymore.
You said it was annoying to hold hands, and that laying on the couch watching bad movies with your dog wasn't a 'real date'.
When you cheated on me it felt like lying vertically on a train rail waiting patiently for it to come and split me in half.
I'm still waiting, and I dont have the motivation to get up.